GAY SEX

There seems to be this prevalent idea that women's sexual orientation is fluid and changeable while men are more likely to fall strongly into a category and stick to it. I would argue that this phenomenon is being taken out of context of the place which women have in the world and the expectations of them therein. Women are, across the world, given a sense that although (in some cultures) it is important to gain an education and employment, they will ultimately have failed if they cannot "catch a man". 

There are many industries devoted to teaching young girls to wear makeup and dress in ways which will make them attractive to boys, and even more devoted to making sure that grown women can fulfil their ultimate destiny of finding their perfect man (through fashion, diet and examples of perfect women as portrayed in media). I would argue that while men may feel similar pressures to find a mate, they are not taught that this is their main path to fulfilment as a human being. It appears to me that for men, education, hobbies and careers are presented as routes to success. Examples of this can be seen on toy shop shelves; boys play with building blocks, plastic animals, educational/scientific toys, toys involving skill, and weapons; while girls toys are largely "homemaking" items such as dolls, pretend makeup, dressing up items and play cooking items. An example from adult life might be seen in the 'section headings' on news websites; there will generally be links to articles relating to World Events, Tech, Current Affairs, etc and a section of its own for 'Women', containing news about fashion, children, and exciting changes in the world of panty-liners. 

In this world where from an early age one is deeply ingrained (through everything from the toys available to play with, the television programs you watch, the people you see around you, magazines you read, films you see etc) with the sense that, whatever you do with your life until that point, ultimately you will be unfulfilled without your "perfect man", it must be extremely difficult to be a gay woman. If you are taught all your life that all you should want is a man, it may take some time to realise that men just don't get you off. Further cementing the confusion, women are actually expected to be sexually unfulfilled in their relationships: It is common knowledge that "women quickly lose interest in sex in relationships", "women will pretend to have headaches to avoid sex", "women often find it difficult to have orgasms", etc. So if a gay woman has always had relationships with men, and has always felt unfulfilled, she may believe that this is normal and to be expected. 

In the world of men, however, where one is taught so much more to seek fulfilment through building, creating and learning, it may be easier (although by no means easy!) to be confident in your sexual identity. If, as a man, you have sexual relationships with men, although there are certain types of people who will be upset by this, you have by no means cut yourself off from reaching what society perceives as success. You can be successful in the eyes of society (in your work, as a creator of things or a thinker or thoughts, or as a happy person) and be in a gay relationship. 

An interesting area which I have not yet explored here is the idea that it is seen as acceptable for otherwise straight women to "experiment" with sex with other women, while men are seen as less likely to do this. Firstly I would argue that straight men are the target demographic for much media, and so the apparent prevalence of "college lesbians" and lack of "college gay men" can easily be explained by the fact that we are merely shown more 'sexy teenage girls' kissing one another in mainstream media in order to target the male audience. Secondly, I believe that many bisexual men are largely dismissed as gay men in denial, while bisexual women are dismissed as straight women who are attempting to look alluring; drawing attention to their own sexuality by engaging in sexual activity with another woman i.e. engaging in a safe sexual activity while not actually allowing themselves to be penetrated (without allowing themselves to be broken/sullied/ruined). 

What it seems to come down to here is the act of penetration: If a man has penetrated another man or been penetrated, he is considered to be gay, whereas a woman cannot penetrate another woman with a penis and so if she has sex with a woman, society questions whether she has engaged in sexual activity at all. It may be considered to be 'safe' sexual activity; practice for the real thing- little more than masturbation. 

Society perpetuates the idea that male gay sex is concrete and real; that it is evidence that the man engaging in the act is fundamentally, biologically different to straight men. Once you have been penetrated (or penetrated a man), you are changed from neutral/straight man to a man who was gay all along- this is reminiscent of the way that the virgin woman is changed fundamentally by her eventual penetration: Innocence and mystery is destroyed and what was there all along is revealed. Opposed to this is the sex of gay women, ephemeral and innocent, play sex; practice for the real thing unless a woman 'decides' to never experience the real thing; a woman who does this is seen as sad, unfeminine, and denying themselves a real place in society.